Guys do not like valentine’s day. I don’t have anything against it, but I would rather sound smart and tell you about how consumerism and commercialization runs the American holiday system. That sounds good, but that’s not how I really approach the love holiday. The truth is, if you’re gonna get anywhere with a woman, then you better feign some serious interest in what’s going on this weekend. You better put some thought into it and get your lady a gift.
Maybe you don’t know what to get her. You’ve gotten her a dozen roses the last 5 years, and you really started spicing things up 2 years ago and decided to throw a 10 dollar Chic Fila gift card in with it. I bet you were shocked, when she didn’t completely melt into your arms on year 4. It’s ok fellas; I’m here to save the day. Maybe not for this year, but next year, if she stays with you that long, I’m gonna kill the game for you. This is Bardin’s guide to how to get your chic a valentine’s present.
I had no idea what to get Bird for vday, literally no idea. I had really set the bar too high for the 1st surprise or 2 I had given her. They weren’t expensive gifts, but I did put a lot of thought, time, and Bardin into them. That was my mistake. It would have been great if those were the last 2 gifts I would ever have to give her. Turns out she may not say it but she definitely expected something to go down for Valentine’s day. She asked not long ago, “Bardin, whats going on with us for valentine’s day?”
Rule #1 for killing it on vday: Lower Her Expectations
Disclaimer: For you fellows that have been giving the same gift every year or no gift any year, y’all should not lower expectations. If you do, she may leave. On the contrary, show some confidence and talk the incoming valentine’s up a little bit. The plan will not work if she is spending v-day with someone else.
I was ready for her to question any plans I had for us. I knew it was coming up. I had already decided to not bring it up and to wait on her to present me with a golden opportunity to take things down a notch. I simply told her that I wasn’t planning on doing anything for valentine’s. I said that it’s really “not my thing.”
Her eyes showed she was disappointed, but her mouth simply said, “Ok.”
Objective 1 complete
Now, what to get? This is much more complicated and is going to require some thought on your part. All I can do is tell you how I would work it out. This takes some effort, a lot of effort.
The hardest part is listening to her. Always have your ears tuned to opportunities to learn her, this will help you give a gift that means something. Do not listen some of the time but all of the time. I never get the obvious gift. I listen for cues in conversations and go from there. Not long ago, I asked Bird, if she enjoyed the Dixie National Rodeo. She said yes, that she had gone with her family all of her life. My ears perked up at this. I was immediately transported back to my childhood.
When I was growing up, my dad was on the board of the MS cattleman’s association. This meant, we got the pick of the pack every year for rodeo tickets. I’m not like all country Mississippi boys in every way. For 1, I do not believe camouflage is a color, but I do like to imagine myself as a cowboy sometimes. As a little boy, I’d get to wear my cowboy hat and wranglers and sit on the front row every year for the rodeo. Broncs would sling dirt on me. I was so close, that I could see the white of the bulls eyes. Those cowboys always walked like they landed on a corncob after they got bucked off. I would waddle around like that for a week after. I was about that life, but this was not my favorite part.
My favorite part, like so many others, was Lecile Harris, the most beloved and famous rodeo-clown that I’ve ever known of. Lecile was funny, but he was a clean/ crude, ok for kids, funny. He would mess and pick with people, though, a lot. He didn’t care who you were. I like to think I’m like Lecile in this way. I do not discriminate when it comes to talking noise.
I can still see him picking on his barely-all-there sidekick, Rudy. Lecile would get Rudy into the toughest predicaments and hang him out to dry every time. It didn’t matter how bad Lecile burned Rudy the last-time. Rudy was always coming back for more, and Lecile would always oblige him and make Rudy look like an idiot in front of thousands of people. I thought it was soooooo funny; I’d pick on people some too. I love being like people, that other people like. People liked Lecile; they just felt sorry for Rudy. Lecile delivered; Rudy did not.
I don’t remember all the cowboys names or what they scored on a particular ride, but I sure remember Lecile. I remember him always talking smack to the deep voiced radio announcer. That guy was on the most beautiful horse and had a really smooth baritone voice. He was dressed to the 9’s, but here comes Lecile, in huge overalls, holding a broom, with a hideous shirt on, putting that pompous announcer in his place. He would just constantly pick on them. Queen Bee would tell you, that I tried to be like Lecile a lot in daily life. I have great memories of everyone’s favorite clown. As I thought about this, I wondered if Bird had memories of Lecile. I did not ask her though.
Bird and I never talked about him, but I decided she probably did. How could you go to the Dixie National and not have fond memories of Lecile. A good gift will either make the present moment or will bring back sentimental feelings for the person you are giving it to. A great gift does both of these things. The key is to evoke emotion.
Rule #2 find a gift that will not only connect the givee to you in the present, but will also connect her to her past.
This made it easy. I decided I would get Bird a signed copy of Lecile’s autobiography. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. I’ve mentioned all the kids in my family. Well, selfishly and possibly deliberately, as my siblings kept popping out kids, it not only made it where we quit eating filet at Christmas, but the rodeo got a little expensive for everyone. We got great seats, but we still had to pay for them. 30 kids and 10 adults is an expensive night out. I haven’t been in couple years and had no plans to go this year.
I decided to employ my nieces, Shaggy and Alice. They were going on the last night, so I dropped some money off and made my order. After the rodeo was over, I got a live-pic of the man himself, Mr. Lecile Harris, signing a copy of his book. He wrote, ‘To Bird’.
I was pumped!
Right after lunch today, Alice FaceTimed me with the devastating news, that Lecile Harris, the man who has touched so many through love and laughter, passed away in his sleep the night after the final performance of the 55th Dixie National Rodeo. It was like God knew how much he loved entertaining us, and how much we all loved him doing his thing for us just one more time. God is cool like that. It was Lecile’s time, but God gave us and Lecile one more go-round.
Rule #3: Get one of the last autographs of a childhood hero and get it the night before he passes to Home.
When I heard, I was saddened, but my mind immediately went to the book. They got it signed, after Lecile’s last performance. It was probably one of the last autographs he ever did, and he did it for my Bird on our first Valentine’s Day. That is pretty cool.
Objective 3 is complete
I was just too intrigued not to say anything to her. Once again, we had never spoken about him before, so I sent her a text asking her if she had heard. She replied with a screenshot of where her mom had tagged her in something. Like most texts, I didn’t really read it, but I did see a picture of Lecile.
We gotta go back for this one, but if you are keeping up, then Objective 2 is now complete.
I will forever cherish my memories of Lecile. I hate that he is gone, but if God is sovereign, then he knew exactly when Lecile’s name was going to come up. God also knew that my nieces would be there to get my Bird’s valentines present. I am thankful for that, but most importantly, I’m thankful for all the memories that book represents to millions of people, who saw Lecile do what he did best.
Now the only thing left was the delivery. How to give this gift to Bird. This is important. You really want to set the stage, the greater the romance, the greater the memory. I had some good intuition, when it came to this gift. Now, it was time for Casanova to come out and play.
Rule #4: Set the scene for delivery of your gift- Don’t just set the flowers on the counter and walk away
I wish I could tell y’all of some grand romantic gesture, but I cant. After, I saw that Bird did, in fact, have history with Lecile, just like me, I was overcome by excitement. Ya’ll know me. I really get pumped sometimes. I can’t even contain it, so today, at work, I did the least Casanova thing I have ever done. I sent her a pic of him signing the book, and just like that, my surprise fell flat on face.
It took a whole lifetime of memories, for the chance to give this gift to Bird, and I decided to send it over a text? Mylanta…
As soon, as I hit send, I wanted the moment back. I still can’t believe it. Bird laughed at me, because she knew exactly how I felt about it. I was telling Queen Bee the story after work today, and when she told me to tell her how Bird liked the present, I didn’t have the heart to tell her, that in a fit of ridiculousness, I had sent this great surprise, the day before Valentine’s day, over text. I just acted like she didn’t know about the gift yet.
I will always be thankful for the memories I have of Lecile. He was a great entertainer and an even better man. I always wonder what people feel like when they are in front of a crowd entertaining them. I have no idea what Lecile felt like, because he really commanded the stage. The moment was never too big for him. With my gift, for Bird, the stage was set. All I had to do was deliver, but in the end, I felt more like Rudy, not Lecile.
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