There are times and relationships in life that are so bad; we pray to try to forget. The hurt from these times can be so monumental, that we just want to pretend they did not happen. We run from these times. We use them to build bigger walls. We use them to close others out. Sometimes, I even call this healing. Sometimes, you may call it healing as well.
I don’t think that is being healed. I think healing comes when we are able to look back on these times objectively, glean lessons, and project these lessons in positive ways into everyday life. How great would it be, if I could learn from situations instead of growing bitter and cynical over them? We live in a broken world. People hurt me; I hurt people. A domino effect because of a heart problem, a human problem, that we all have when left to our own devices. It doesn’t make everything done to us forgettable, but it does put into perspective how broken the world is for some of us from an early age.
A lot of times, you’ll hear it said that addiction is just a symptom of a bigger disease. If this is the case, then co-dependent relationships are another huge symptom of whatever it is that plagues the addict. Show me someone who has lived a life of addiction, and I’ll show you one, two, or possibly more co-dependent relationships that help lead him or her right along the same path to destruction.
One time, I dated this girl. We will call her Austin. Austin has an explosive personality. She is funny, and she is beautiful. I don’t know that anyone has made me laugh like she did (maybe, Princess Sophia). She also suffered, at that time, from terrible untreated depression.
Sometimes, when two souls meet, a very positive spark can turn into a wild-fire that encompasses all you can see as it destroys everything in its path.
I have a huge problem of viewing myself as much bigger than I really am. I forget there are 8 billion (that’s 8,000,000,000) people in this world, and one God whom created it all. I decide, sometimes, that I want to be a hero, and it’s my job to save someone. In reality, I cannot even save myself much less someone else. If all my hopes lie in me being a hero and saving someone from themselves, then I can promise you that not only am I in trouble, so is the save-ee. This does not mean that I can’t learn lessons from past relationships, instead of carrying bitterness and anger out of them. I’ll explain some things I learned that are having a positive affect on my life today from this relationship with Austin. I learned much more but here is a small glimpse.
There used to be this broken-down ambulance in downtown Jackson that I would see every time I’d drive through. It had the word “Fortnite” spray painted on the side. I told Austin about this. I mean I was so intrigued by what it was doing there. Every time I drove by it I would get on a loop about what its purpose was, if it ran, and if there was story that went with it. One day, I brought up to Austin that a possible super hero was gonna use it to save lives. I make small things huge in my head on the daily. It’s something I’m working on.
Me being a hero myself thought this was just too cool. At this point Austin said that we were going to go check it out. We drove over there, and not only did we get out of my car; she had me knocking on dilapidated houses trying to find the owner. Even with my history, this was not a smart part of town to be randomly knocking on doors(it is just as crazy as it sounds).
I eventually did find the owner; his name was Jay. I could tell from talking to Jay that he was a hustler, and I just so happened to have a few dollars. I gave them to Jay and the tour began. It was a short tour being that it was a broken down, empty, green Ambulance with graffiti on the side of it. Before we left, Jay, Austin, and I had a plan to bring groups of children to tour the ambulance, for a small fee of course. I think I opened Jay’s eyes up to the possibility of getting rich over this super-hero ambulance. It is no longer parked where it was; I am sure Jay worked out a deal to get it in a museum or movie.
These are things I remember and pull positivity from. Jay was genuinely happy that someone was interested in his life. Without Austin, I would have never stopped, and never seen how much the world needs a break from the machine. Sure I gave him a few dollars, but he smiled as he told me where the ambulance came from, and that he was going to get it back running. I take that with me. I consciously try to replicate that feeling for others everyday. The only time I have a bad day these days is when I don’t have a laugh or a smile with a stranger.
I did mention that sometimes something that is good turns into something that is not. I let my hero complex get in the way of pursuing something healthy with Austin. I need to learn from this as well. I need to carry this kind of knowledge with me into the future.
Not all things learned and practiced can be fun. Not long ago I was dating a girl, we will call her Dorothy; after only a couple of dates, I could feel myself being pulled into another situation that was not going to be healthy . Bardin-man began to rear his head. I would try to leave the situation only to get pulled right back into it. This time I recognized this and remembered a long-lost side-kick. Sometimes a hero needs saving from himself. This side-kick is always there to help me close the door… In this case, the Robin to my Batman… The block button.
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