I live a double life, really I live a double, triple, quadruple life. Some days I get to be a train-hopping road-dawg traveling the country by “jugging, spanging, and doing all the bum stuff”. Some days, I am a spy fighting the communist “glorious leader” of North Korea, Kim Jung Un, and some days I get to be a hero for my special-needs friend who is looking for love. Y’all must be thinking I live the most incredible life ever. How do I fit in working, schooling, writing, coding, train-hopping, spying, heroing? Easy, I don’t, but I am an active member of the Facebook groups: Road-Dawg Ride-Share, Kim Jung Un’s Dank Meme Storage Facility, and Country Boys and Girls Dating, among others.
1. Road Dawg Ride Share is a group for the free spirits. The ones who read or saw “Into the Wild”, and thought it was hero’s tale and not a tragedy. Into the Wild is a book that was made into a movie. It is the true story about Christopher McCandless, a boy who graduates from Emory University, leaves his family without a call, cuts ups his identification, burns his money, and hitch-hikes to Alaska. McCandless eventually dies in Alaska after getting stranded on the tundra in the winter and eating poisonous berries.
I love this book and movie. It inspired me to want to see the world, to be free, and most profoundly, to feel free. Could this be what I had been searching for in parties and drugs? Should I sale everything and say bye-bye to society? It had this same affect on many of my friends. I was also affected when McCandless died alone and starving in an abandoned bus in Middle-of-Nowhere, AK. This made me know this was a sad story, a tragedy, not a heroic saga. Most importantly, it let me know I should stay at home, keep my debit card, and stay “woke” from the comfort of my bed or Cups in Clinton, Ms. In the movie, Christopher had a short romance with this girl at the “Slabs”. This is a place where a lot of “tramps”, or people who hitchhike and live a nomadic lifestyle traveling from place to place, meet up and live in community. Her name is Tracy.
I often get obsessed with strange things, and I will research and insert myself, mentally and emotionally, into things that have nothing to do with me. I did this with McCandless’ life. After tons of research, I couldn’t find out anymore than what the web had already provided. Per usual, I wanted to go deeper, so I found Tracy(his romantic interest) on Facebook and reached out. We live in such a cool time; never before in history could you find a story that interests you, from another time and place, and communicate with players from that story. She told me all about Chris and her relationship. They had changed her name in the movie, so most people didn’t know Tracy was Chris’ romantic interest. I had really done my research. She seemed to love that I reached out. She wrote me so much about his life and their relationship. I felt fulfilled about my wilder ideas of freedom until my nephew, his name is Trey Jr the Third, told me about Road-Dawg Ride-Share.
This is a group of tramps who coordinate with each other on traveling around the country. I was pumped. These people live life the way I wish I did sometimes. There are different kinds of tramps: rubber-tramps (travels by camper or van), rail-tramps (rail car jumpers), and leather-tramps (walkers and hitchhikers). They will put a post on Facebook that says something like, “1 kid, 2 dogs, 1 pack on HWY 35 can jug, spange, have pitch, and do all the bum stuff.” Then someone will comment, and they can meet up and travel together. I have been in this group for months. I am still not sure what jugging is. It has something to do with getting money for the trip. Spanging is asking people for spare change. Having pitch, means the tramp has some money or marijuana to throw in for gas on the trip. These people love being free of material possessions and the pressure of society. I have seen multiple tramp memes that show a person before tramping with a normal face and skin. Secondly, it shows the same person after tramping with face tattoos. I guess the sense of freedom inspires people to get face ink. Doesn’t make sense to me though, most people I know with face ink have been to prison multiple times. I would say their lack of freedom inspires their face ink. In terms of face tattoos, further research is required.
They also use it to coordinate meet-ups called Rainbow Gatherings. Tramps from all over the country converge on national forests to bang on drums, listen to the Grateful Dead, and dose on LSD under the moonlight. I’ve never been to one of these. I think, if I went, I’d end up with face tattoos, and no one wants that to happen.
2. Did you know that there is a fairly large number of people in America and other allied countries who actively make memes declaring Kim Jung Un the “Glorious Leader” and that spread his grandfather’s, Kim Il-sung, juche philosophy? These people, who have grown up in American and European decadence and have never been to North Korea, preach a gospel against the “Imperialist” of America. They actually think it would be better for them to be starving like these poor farmers in North Korea. They are fed up with being the 99% here in America. I guess they think they will get to be one of the elite if North Korea takes over, because they fell in line with Kim before the “War of North American Aggression to North Korea”.
You may be wondering, how did I find myself in a communist, North Korean meme group? I’ll tell ya. I saw a funny post one day by a group called Donimo’s Best Korean Pizza”. This guy pretends to be a pizza shop in Pyongyang. He makes posts about Clam Pizza and how he can deliver extra fast now. Thanks to Dear Leader’s new “Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Delivery System”, Donimo’s can deliver to any city on American soil without stopping for gas. Between jokes like this, and the poster’s misuse of being verbs, I found this page so funny. One day, he shared a meme from Kim Jong Un’s Dank Meme Storage Facility. The meme was funny; I thought this was another page like Donimo’s.
I was wrong. At first, I thought they were joking. Then as they spoke of sending people, along with their family, to “camp” and the greatness of Kim Jong Un, I knew someone needed to stand watch for us, stand watch for freedom. Here am I, send me, Mark Zuckerberg. Some posts in the Storage Facility are funny, but these people are not patriots. I am an American patriot. I am there to make sure things don’t go too far. They do not know this, though; they think I am one of them, plotting to overthrow our beautiful democratic dream that is the United States of America. You may say, “Bardin you are sacrificing so much standing on this wall for our country.”
Like Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men, said, “You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.” I will stand on this wall for our freedom. You’re welcome.
3. Country Boys and Girls Dating is the crem de la crem of the Facebook Dating Community, and for that matter, it may be the best group on all of Facebook. I know after “Tinder Trauma” and now this, you all must think all I do is creep on girls. I promise this is not the case. There is a perfectly good reason I am in this group, and it is not to date. I’ve already told y’all a couple of times. I am a hero.
Once again, my nephew, Trey Jr the Third told me about this group called Country Boys and Girls Dating. He said that I needed to check it out, pronto. What I found is something that is hard to describe. The world is full of lonely people. In 2019, its much easier to meet people online rather than in person. This is especially true for people who feel social anxiety or awkwardness. If you are a person who would rather meet romantic interests online, and who’s favorite exclamatory remark is “YeeYee”, then Country Boys and Girls Dating may be just for you.
I usually start as a hero and become a villain. With CBandGD, I was the villain who saw the need for a hero. Once again, here am I, send me Zuck. I never planned on trying to find a date in the group. One time, I got this girl I was dating to join the group. Our plan was for her to post an ad. I was then going to comment and have one of my nieces that is in the group (its a family affair) comment on my comment to lend credibility. This way we could tell the group that we found each other on CBandGD. It was a great plan. A great plan that was ruined, because Country perverts started sending the chick pics. They were gross. Plus I’ve had girls switch it up on me before. I didn’t want one of these cowboys to be the one to make my girl say, “YeeYee”. We decided to call it off. This does not mean that I don’t still tag my niece on the most interesting country boy posts. She loves it and the messages she receives from the country boys who see really spice up her life. I have had a great time entertaining myself by picking with my fellow group-ees. During my time in the group, one girl has left a special mark on me. Her name is Cassie.
Cassie is always posting pictures of herself and looking for love. Even with the pictures, I still have no idea what Cassie looks like. All of her pictures are completely filtered. When I tell you she’s always posting, I mean she, for months at a time, would make 4-5 posts a day looking for love. I thought it was a “Girl Code” thing until the first time I commented on her post.
In the first line of her response, Cassie told me she was special needs and looking for friends. My heart went out to her. If you don’t know someone who is special needs, then you don’t know. Let me tell you, they want the same things we want: purpose, hope, love. Cassie wants these things so badly; she is looking for them multiple times a day on CBandGD. A girl in Cassie’s situation on CBandGD lends herself to be taken advantage of by creeper-country perverts. This is where Bardin-Man comes in. I do have to be her hero from a far though. If I talk to Cassie too much, then she starts thinking I want to be her forever country boy.
Cassie will talk to these guys, who comment on her post, for a few hours, and she thinks they are in love and in a relationship. They will see what I saw. She is special needs and lonely. This makes her an easy target. Multiple times Cassie has commented In CBandGD how a guy would have her send pics then disappear. She was heart broken each time. Cassie would think these guys had good intentions, but they did not. This broke my heart.
Now, when I see one of the guys she has called out, comment on a post or make their own post, I come alive. I promise these guys won’t have a chance to hurt a girl like they hurt my friend Cassie. I may struggle with being a villain, but for her, I’ll be a hero.
It’s not easy wearing the many hats I wear. I have never been a tramp, spy, or hero in real life. But there is a huge world out there right at my fingertips. People like different things. Some people may even like things that you dislike. There is so much I don’t know. I’m going to keep exploring from my keyboard.
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